i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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