I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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