How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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