I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
