What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
