OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
