Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
