you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
