You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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