i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i've created a new STD.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
