So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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