oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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