I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
