Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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