If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
