I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
