I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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