Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
