but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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