i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
