I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
