Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
