I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
