So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
