May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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