I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
