I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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