LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
