I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
