my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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