You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
