I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
