well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am midnight drunk by noon
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
