Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
