Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
