bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
