I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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