So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
