As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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