East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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