He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
