He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
