dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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