How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
