Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
