I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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