Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
