the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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