Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
