omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
