how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
